Marius Schober

Embracing the Mysteries, Unveiling the Realities

Tag: Personal Development


  • Running in circles is an expression that is often used to express when no matter what we do, nothing changes. We run in a circle, always ending up where we started.

    Imagine the circle lines as boundaries, not physical boundaries but mental barriers. In our life, we often run within our circle of possibilities. Anything outside our circle seem impossible. Outside the circle is anything that seems unattainable.

    For some, healing a chronic disease may seem unattainable, for others it is a nice house, finding one’s soulmate, or merely financial abundance.

    Over our lifetime, through our upbringing, we have defined our circle of possibilities. We have defined what is within our possibility and what is outside our possibility.

    But this is just a line we drew. It is a mental barrier that does not exist outside our mind. In order to attain what seems unattainable we have to expand our circle of possibilities. We have to pull what is outside our circle inside.

    Imagine it like this: anything that is within our circle is easy and comes effortless. For example making a coffee, driving a car are within our circle of effortless possibilities.

    Other things seem out of reach. They are outside our circle of possibilities. They look extremely hard and impossible to reach.

    What we need to do is reframe our understanding of what is within and what is without our circle. We pull seemingly impossible things inside our circle and thereby we are expanding the size of our circle exponentially. We do this by following our excitement.

    Not everything can be pulled inside our circle. But anything we are absolutely excited and passionate about can be pulled inside and made attainable.

    You might think that you want to be the founder and CEO of a large successful company. But if this is merely a desire that comes from mimesis – in other words a desire that we have because we see other people have or desire it – not from our true inner being.

    We will try forever to pull this inauthentic desire inside our circle, but we will fail because it is against our nature. Listening to our true excitement is key. We have to follow what is truly authentic to us – what we are truly excited about from our whole heart – and pull it inside our circle.

    You may find true excitement and joy playing the piano or researching a certain subject. But true mastery of the piano or earning a livelihood with it may seem like an impossibility. Don’t let this hold you back. If this is what excites you the most, make the decision to pull it into your circle, define it is easily attainable, possible.

    Inside our circle, doing and attaining our desires is as natural and easy as making a cup of coffee.

    Our inner circle represents our current reality. It is both endless and limiting. Endless in terms of repetition and confinement of boundaries.

    Think again of walking in a cricle, you always end up in the same spot, never really advancing. We try to improve the conditions within our circles, but improvements within our circles is like improving a prison cell.

    True freedom comes from expanding that circle. Or stepping out of that circle into an entirely new one.

    That is difficult because we are like fish in an aquarium unaware of the world behind. We only see what is familiar, what is within our circle, and everything beyond that feels alien or unattainable even though we desire it.

    The real truth is that it takes the same energy to live and operate within our current circle as it takes to live within a much larger circle or to step. It takes the same effort to be in our current circle as it takes to be in a completely different, much larger circle.

    First, you need to identify that you are inside of a circle. What are your current habits and goals? What is your current reality?

    Once you are aware, the next step is to identify what is outside your circle. What is it that you desire but looks unattainable, impossible?

    Now we define a new circle. In this new circle, our goals, our habits are aligned with our authentic aspirations, our true excitement. We create a new reality.

    Stepping out of this circle requires risk. It means breaking free from the familiar, and pursing something that may seem uncomfortable or unattainable.

    We leave our circle – we leave our comfortzone.

    We can do this in small, consistent steps or we can make a sharp turn–an instant shift in our approach to living, like flipping from being chased to becoming the one who chases.

    The real key to escaping our limiting circle is focus.

    Where we focus our mental energy on determines the reality we will experience. By only focusing on improving our current reality, we remain locked in. But by expanding our vision to something outside our current circle, outside our current reality, we open up the possibilities of stepping into a new, much larger circle of possibilities.

    What seems impossible now, becomes as effortless as making a cup of coffee.

    The decision to break free starts with the realization that we are contained in a circle and the decision that we are ready to stop running in circles.

  • Most people struggle with their phone use. The main reason for this is the habits we’ve developed over many years of using social media, messaging, and news apps on our phones. 99% of the time we reach for our phone and unlock it out of habit. To check the X, Instagram or LinkedIn feed. Not because we have chosen to do so, just because our habit leads us to do so. I truly believe this is a major reason why most of us can no longer think clearly and work deeply. The cheap dopamine is calling 24/7 and is always available within half a second via Face ID.

    The easiest way to minimize phone use is not only to delete all the distracting apps, but more importantly to disable Face ID and fingerprint unlock and replace it with a long password. That way, every time you pick up your phone, you have to enter a long password before you can use it. It could take you 20 seconds to type it. Enough time to check your intentions and realize that you don’t really want to use your phone.

    Try it and your unwanted screen time will drop significantly.

  • A menudo, pensamos en quién queremos ser en la vida. Pero pensar en quién deseamos ser, puede distanciarnos de ser lo que naturalmente se supone que somos.

    Esto se debe a que imitamos a otras personas. Todos los días – a sabiendas o sin saberlo – recibimos la influencia de las personas que están cerca de nosotros: familia, amigos, compañeros de trabajo, vecinos, etc. Además, las personas a las que seguimos en Internet también influyen mucho en lo que queremos ser.

    Para dejar esta carrera de ratas, es poderoso pensar en quiénes son los que absolutamente – bajo ninguna circunstancia – queremos llegar a ser.

    Un consejo útil es escuchar a tu instinto. Recuerda y anota cuando conozcas a alguien e inmediatamente pienses: “¡oh dios, no quiero llegar a ser así!”

    Por ejemplo, tu padre es un bebedor empedernido. O bien te repugna este comportamiento, que ya sabes que nunca quieres llegar a ser así.

    De vez en cuando, esto no es suficiente, ya que algunas personas imitan inconscientemente el comportamiento de su padre y se convierten ellas mismas en alcohólicas.

    Por lo tanto, antes de plantearte la pregunta: “¿Quién quiero ser – bajo ninguna circunstancia – nunca?”, tienes que empezar a observar y cuestionar a las personas de las que te rodeas y a las que sigues en internet.

    Al observar activamente a las personas, te darás cuanta de cómo tratan a otras personas, qué y cuántos malos hábitos tienen, y muchas otras cosas que te desagradan de ellas. Por ejemplo, puedes darte cuenta rápidamente de que:

    • nunca querrás convertirte en un alcohólico,
    • nunca querrás descuidar a tu familia por el súper éxito,
    • nunca quieres vivir una vida promedio,
    • nunca quieres ser deshonesto,

    o lo que sea.

    También tenemos que prestar atención a quién seguimos en Internet y cuestionarnos si realmente queremos ser como ellos. Ya sea un empresario de éxito, un atleta de talla mundial, un creador popular o una madre perfecta. Quién admira a quién influye en lo que pensamos que queremos ser. Los influencers no se llaman así por nada.

    Esto es difícil porque las redes sociales sólo nos muestran el lado bueno.

    Así, pregúntate: ¿Qué sacrificios tengo que hacer para tener una visa así? ¿Estoy dispuesto a hacer estos sacrificios? ¿Qué aspectos no quiero incorporar nunca a mi vida?

    Observar a las personas nos mostrará en quiénes no queremos convertirnos. Cuestiona la vida y los comportamientos de las personas y establece límites claros de en quién no quieres convertirte nunca.

    Si hacemos todo lo posible para evitar convertirnos en quien no queremos ser, nos encontraremos naturalmente como la persona que deseamos ser.

  • Oft denken wir darüber nach, wer wir im Leben werden wollen. Aber wenn wir nur daran denken, wer wir sein wollen, kann es uns davon abhalten, das zu sein, was wir von Natur aus sein sollten.

    Das liegt daran, dass wir andere Menschen imitieren. Jeden Tag werden wir – bewusst oder unbewusst – von Menschen beeinflusst, die uns nahe stehen: Familie, Freunde, Kollegen, Nachbarn und so weiter. Auch die Menschen, denen wir online folgen, haben großen Einfluss darauf, wer wir sein möchten.

    Um aus diesem Hamsterrad auszusteigen, ist es wichtig, sich darüber im Klaren zu sein, wer wir auf keinen Fall werden wollen.

    Ein hilfreicher Tipp: Höre auf dein Bauchgefühl. Merke dir, wenn du jemanden triffst und sofort denkst: »Oh Gott, so will ich nie werden!«.

    Zum Beispiel ist dein Vater ein sehr schwerer Säufer. Entweder ekelt dich dieses Verhalten an, und du weißt bereits, dass du nie so werden willst.

    Manchmal reicht das aber nicht aus, denn einige Menschen ahmen unbewusst das Verhalten ihres Vaters nach und werden selbst zum Alkoholiker.

    Bevor du dir also die Frage stellen kannst: »Wer will ich – unter keinen Umständen – jemals sein?«, musst du anfangen, die Menschen, die dich umgeben, und die Menschen, denen du online folgst, zu beobachten und zu hinterfragen.

    Indem du Menschen aktiv beobachtest, wird dir bewusst, wie sie andere Menschen behandeln, welche und wie viele schlechte Angewohnheiten sie haben und viele andere Dinge, die du an ihnen nicht magst. So wird dir etwa schnell klar, dass:

    • du niemals zum Alkoholiker werden willst,
    • du willst niemals deine Familie für den Erfolg vernachlässigen,
    • du willst nie ein durchschnittliches Leben führen,
    • du willst niemals unehrlich sein,

    oder was auch immer es sein mag.

    Wir müssen auch darauf achten, wem wir online folgen, und uns fragen, ob wir wirklich so sein wollen wie sie. Egal, ob es sich um einen erfolgreichen Unternehmer, einen Weltklasse-Sportler, einen beliebten »Creator« oder eine makellose Mutter handelt. Zu wem wir aufschauen, beeinflusst, wer wir glauben sein zu wollen. Influencer werden nicht umsonst Influencer genannt!

    Das ist schwierig, denn die sozialen Medien zeigen uns nur die gute Seite.

    Frage dich also selbst: Welche Abstriche muss ich machen, um ein solches Leben zu führen? Bin ich bereit, diese Abstriche zu machen? Und was will ich auf keinen Fall in mein Leben übernehmen?

    Durch das Beobachten von Menschen erkennen wir, wer wir nicht sein möchten. Hinterfrage das Leben und das Verhalten anderer und setze klare Grenzen, wie du niemals sein willst.

    Wenn wir alles tun, was wir können, um nicht zu der Person zu werden, die wir nicht sein wollen, werden wir uns ganz natürlich als die Person wiederfinden, die wir sein wollen.

  • Often, we think about who we want to become in life. But thinking about who we wish to be, can distort us from being who we naturally were supposed to be.

    This is because we imitate other people. Every day – wittingly or unwittingly – we are influenced by people who are close to us: family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and so on. Moreover, people we follow online also heavily influence who we wish to be.

    To quit this rat race, it is powerful to think about who we absolutely – under no circumstances – never want to become.

    One helpful hint is listen to your gut. Remember and note when you meet someone and immediately think: “oh god, I never want to become like this!”.

    For example, your father is a very heavy drinker. Either you are disgusted by this behavior, that you already know that you never want to become like this.

    Every so often, this is not enough, as some people unconsciously imitate their father’s behavior and become alcoholics themselves.

    Therefore, before you can ask yourself the question “Who do I – under no circumstance – never want to be?” you have to start observing and questioning the people you are surrounded by and the people you are following online.

    By actively observing people, you’ll realize how they treat other people, what and how many bad habits they have, and many other things you dislike about them. For example, you might quickly realize that:

    • you never want to become an alcoholic,
    • you never want to neglect your family for super success,
    • you never want to live an average life,
    • you never want to be dishonest,

    or whatever it might be.

    We also need to pay attention to whom we follow online and question whether we really want to be like them. Whether it is a successful entrepreneur, world-class athlete, a popular ‘creator’, or a perfect mother. Who we look up to influences who we think we want to be. Influencers aren’t called influencers for nothing!

    This is hard because social media is showing us only the bright side.

    So, ask yourself: Which sacrifices do I need to make to have a life like this? Am I willing to make these sacrifices? What aspects do I never want to incorporate into my life?

    Observing people will show us who we don’t want to become. Question people’s lives and behaviors and set clear boundaries of who you never want to become.

    If we do everything we can, to avoid becoming who we don’t want to be, we will naturally find ourselves as a person we desire to be.

  • Los deseos son como una droga. Es una burbuja que creas a tu alrededor, en la que todo está bien y todo saldrá bien.

    Los deseos son el camino más fácil. Te mantiene sin vida a inactivo, en momentos en que deberías moverte y actuar.

    Desear es diferente a ser optimista. Un optimista observa las pruebas y la realidad de la situación. Aunque la situación parezca mala a veces, el optimista prevé un resultado positivo después de todo. Esto le da la fuerza necesaria para actuar, no rendirse y avanzar hacia ese resultado positivo, aunque sea muy consciente de la gravedad de la situación.

    El pensador de deseos, en cambio, no puede o no quiere ver la realidad de una situación determinada. En su lugar, el pensador de deseos suprime la realidad, consciente o inconscientemente. Esto crea un sesgo de optimismo en el que los pensadores de deseos esperan resultados positivos a pesar de que tales expectativas no tienen ninguna base en la realidad.

    El optimista se enfrenta a la dureza de la realidad y actúa. El ilusionista resta importancia a la realidad o la ignora y la deja para más tarde. Si actúa, es propenso a pasar por alto detalles importantes, lo que puede conducir a un círculo vicioso de consecuencias imprevistas.

    Pregúntate si te enfrentas a la realidad o caes en la falacia del deseo.

    Mire más allá de la información que consume habitualmente. Examine las fuentes que le resulten incómodas de leer. Lee lo que te venden como noticias falsas o conspiraciones. Busca información fuera de tu país, y de tu idioma.

    Es posible que todo lo que deseas que sea verdad no lo sea.

  • Wunschdenken

    Wunschdenken ist wie eine Droge. Man schafft sich eine Blase, in der alles gut ist und in der sich alles zum Guten wenden wird.

    Wunschdenken ist der bequeme Weg. Er hält dich leblos und untätig, in Zeiten, in denen du dich eigentlich engagieren und handeln solltest.

    Wunschdenken ist etwas anderes als ein Optimist zu sein. Ein Optimist sieht sich die Fakten und die Realität der Situation an. Auch wenn die Situation manchmal schlecht aussieht, kann sich der Optimist ein positives Ergebnis vor Augen führen. Das verleiht ihm die nötige Kraft, um zu handeln, nicht aufzugeben und sich diesem positiven Ziel zu nähern, auch wenn er sich der Ernsthaftigkeit der Situation durchaus bewusst ist.

    Der Wunschdenker hingegen kann oder will die Realität einer bestimmten Situation nicht sehen. Stattdessen unterdrückt der Wunschdenker bewusst oder unbewusst die Realität. Dies führt zu einem Optimismus-Bias, bei dem der Wunschdenker positive Erwartungen hat, obwohl diese Erwartungen keine Grundlage in der Realität haben.

    Der Optimist stellt sich der harten Realität und agiert. Der Wunschdenker spielt die Realität herunter oder ignoriert diese und prokrastiniert. Wenn er handelt, neigt er dazu, wichtige Details zu übersehen, was zu einem Teufelskreis unbeabsichtigter Folgen führen kann.

    Frage dich, ob du der Realität ins Auge blickst oder in den Trugschluss des Wunschdenkens verfällst.

    Schau über die Informationen hinaus, die du gewöhnlich konsumierst. Untersuche Quellen, die du vielleicht nicht gerne liest. Lese, was dir als Fake News oder Verschwörungen verkauft wird. Suche nach Informationen außerhalb deines Landes und deiner Sprache.

    Möglicherweise ist nicht alles, was du dir wünschst, wahr.

  • Wishful thinking is like a drug. It is a bubble you create around yourself, in which everything is fine and everything will turn out alright.

    Wishful thinking is the easy way. It keeps you lifeless and inactive, in times when you should move and act.

    Wishful thinking is different from being an optimist. An optimist looks at the evidence and reality of the situation. Even if the situation looks bad at times, the optimist envisions a positive outcome after all. This gives him the necessary power to act, not give up, and move towards this positive outcome, even though he is well aware of the severity of the situation.

    The wishful thinker, on the other hand, cannot or does not want to see the reality of a given situation. Instead, the wishful thinker wittingly or unwittingly suppresses reality. This creates an optimism bias in which wishful thinkers expect positive outcomes despite such expectations having no basis in reality.

    The optimist faces the hardness of reality and acts. The wishful thinker downplays or ignores reality and procrastinates. If he acts, he is prone to overlook important details, which can lead to a vicious circle of unintended consequences.

    Ask yourself whether you are facing reality or fall into the fallacy of wishful thinking.

    Look beyond the information you habitually consume. Examine sources which you may find uncomfortable to read. Read at what is sold to you as fake news or conspiracies. Search for information outside your country, and your language.

    It is possible that everything you wish to be true is not.

  • Decide to Live

    Every day, you make multiple decisions. How you make those decisions will define how your life will work out. Obviously, we all want to make the “right” decision. But what exactly is the “right decision”? How does one define right?

    How you define right depends a lot on our environment. In our Western world, this usually means we make decisions towards a successful life. Society tells us, a successful life is a secure life. For example: being a manager, lawyer, or a dentist. Not because it is a job which truly and from all of our heart fulfills us, but only for the reason of having a well paying job. Congratulations, do this, and you will be regarded as a rightful member of society.

    But damn, we have been fooled! Instead of living a successful life, we are actually living a quiet life of desperation. The truth is, while we’ve optimized our entire life towards a successful life, we missed to actually live.

    A successful life, as defined by society, is a secure and easy life. By definition, a secure and easy life is void of any adventure, void of any life.

    We all have been granted a magical life here on earth. To truly utilize and appreciate this life, we truly have to live. And living, by definition, is not secure nor easy. Living is full of adventure. It is full of unknowns.

    If we try to make the right decision towards a successful and secure life – as defined by our society – we will miss to live.

    Always striving for the “right” decision necessarily narrows your decisions towards the already known, the proven, the right way of doing things. Doing so will work most of the time. Eventually, you’ll live a successful, secure life.

    But life happens in the unknown. We start to live when we choose heart over mind, adventure over security, the unknown over the known.

    When deciding, never decide for the easy option. Don’t decide for the deceptively right option which leads to a successful and secure life (as defined by your family and society). Instead, always decide for the uncomfortable option. The unknown option. Choose the option of adventure. Go for the option which gives you a strange mixed feeling of unease and excitement at the same time.

    By going for the uneasy, uncomfortable, unknown option, you will do things you’ve never done before. You will do things nobody has ever done before. You will fail. And you will succeed. Most importantly, you will feel alive.

    If – from now on – you optimize and make all your decision so that you live an exciting life full of adventure, unknowns, new and uncomfortable situations, you will truly live life.

  • Today’s morning started different from expected. As I unconsciously opened my Amazon app, I saw a notification which informed me of changes on my ‘wish list’. The MacBook Pro 16’ suddenly was €2.388. This price was too good to be true (and ignored) so I pressed “buy”.

    After this impulse buy, I somehow thought: “Marius, no matter what, this still is a lot of money. Are you sure?”.

    It’s not that I cannot afford it. I easily can. As I just thought about it, I realized it is a more overall mindset that I have.

    I like to focus on investing, earning, and saving. Spending – on the other hand – somehow invokes a negative feeling in me. I cannot really describe it. I’d have felt good investing €2.388 into Apple stock, but spending €2.388 on a laptop???

    In general, I’d describe myself as a simple and Stoic man. I don’t need any luxuries. I prefer minimalism to consumerism. I still drive a cheap used car – which totally does its job of getting me really reliably from A to B. We still live happily in a simple apartment because we see no point in upgrading to a larger and more luxurious apartment.

    For me, it’s not a question of whether I can afford something, but whether I could allocate this money in a better way.

    What could I’ve done with €2.388 instead? I could’ve hired a freelancer to program a web app for me, pay my rent for 3 months, or simply invest in Apple stock.

    Whatever. I knew that – earlier or later – I will need a new laptop. I’m still working with my 13’ MacBook Pro from 2014. It works fine – as long you restrict yourself to 2h of battery life, writing, emails, and 4 or 5 Brave Browser tabs. Everything beyond that? Not really.

    So, the purchase was totally fine.

    What I philosophize about is this “scarcity” mindset I have. Which, for quite a while after I pressed “buy” I thought “are you sure?”.

    After a while, I realized that the better way to think about (and a better mindset to have) is to say to myself: “Great purchase! Now, how can I earn €2.388 today?”.

    This reframing helped me to go from doubting my impulse buy to instantly getting back to work, be productive, and now trying to earn €2.388.

    The quintessence is the following: pay attention to your mind and reframe negative connotations to get into an abundance mindset again – as soon as possible.